The art of listening

I recently read Ties That Bind: Stories of Love & Gratitude from the First Ten Years of Storycorps by Dave Isay. For those of you not familiar with Storycorps, it’s an organization that facilitates and records conversations, giving the participates a copy and sending a copy to the Library of Congress. It’s been ten years since the program began and there have been over 100,000 recorded conversations between “uncelebrated” extraordinary people.

One of my favorite stories from this collection is a father and daughter conversation. He was a young, single father going to college and raising a toddler. He was on the basketball team and drowning in obligations. He would bring his baby with him to his night job as a janitor and let her sleep in the closet. He would bring his toddler to his classes and give her paper and crayons to color wtih during the lectures. The daughter, now 16, asked if he was ever embarrassed about having her with him. He says: “I don’t think I was ever embarrassed—that’s one of the few emotions that I didn’t experience at that time.” When he graduated, they called out both their names and he walked to the stage to get his diploma with her in his arms. The entire class rose to their feet and gave him the only standing ovation. (This is where I started tearing up.)

At the end of their conversation, he acknowledges that he has cancer. His daughter says: “It’s hard for me , because I know you don’t want me to be the one to take care of you, and you’re probably scared about what’s going to happen to me if I lose you. But the first week when I was home from school, I would cook you dinner and it made me happy being able to care for you, knowing my whole life you were doing that for me. You’re my rock.”

Flat. Out. Crying.

That’s only the first story of the collection.

At the end of the collection they include a series of questions that they have found help deep conversations going:

What was the happiest moment of your life? The saddest?

Who was the most important person in your life? Can you tell me about him or her?

Who has been the biggest influence on your life? What lessons did that person teach you?

Who has been the kindest person to you in your life?

What are the most important lessons you’ve learned in life?

What are you proudest in your life?

Are there any words of wisdom you’d like to pass along to me?

How has your life been different than what you’d imagined?

How would you like to be remembered?

Do you have any regrets?

What does your future hold?

Is there anything that you’ve never told me but want to tell me now?

Is there something about me that you’ve always wanted to know but never asked?


When I read this book I was struck by how extrodianry the stories were and how ordinary the people telling them looked. We really don't know what goes on in the lives and hearts of people around us. The only way to know is to ask. And listen.

More later,

Tammar

Great Advice

For new grads and work force veterns, this is some phenomenally wise advice.

Elizabeth Warren, U.S. Senator, on expecting the unexpected:
"Never be so faithful to your plan that you are unwilling to consider the unexpected. Never be so faithful to your plan that you are unwilling to entertain the improbable opportunity that comes looking for you. And never be so faithful to your plan that when you hit a bump in the road -- or when the bumps hit you – you don’t have the fortitude, grace and resiliency to rethink and regroup... Plans or no plans, keep a little space in your heart for the improbable. You won't regret it."

elizabeth warren

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Tammar

Rori's red hot release!

Rory Shay's first novel, Elected, has just been released. I was lucky enough to snag a few precious moments from her busy life to answer some questions about writing and publishing.

 

Rori, congrats on the release of your first novel! You’re living the dream that a lot of people have. Can you tell us a bit about your path of writing the book and getting it published?  

RS:  Thanks for having me on your blog, Tammar.  Sure, I can tell you that story.  It's definitely a story about perseverance, not giving up, and always keeping your head up because you don't know what's around the corner!  When I finished ELECTED, I was new to the publishing industry and against all advice from my wiser-than-I-admitted-at-the-time writer's critique group, I started querying agents right after typing "the end" into my first draft.  I hadn't even re-read the whole thing yet!  I actually got a few interested parties through that initial search (5 out of about 50), but didn't get signed by those agents.  I then joined the Society of Children's Book Writers and Illustrators (SCBWI) and learned a lot more about editing and how to look more professional in the industry.  I set out again querying after having edited ELECTED thoroughly, and that time I found an agent.  But that wasn't until I'd queried 82 people!  Then the search for a publisher began.  We found one who seemed supportive and very dedicated to ELECTED, but a month before my scheduled release date, the unthinkable happened.  That publisher closed its doors!  All my work editing with them for over a year.  All my plans for a book launch party.  All the promo I had lined up.  I thought it was all gone.  You can image how devastated I was.  But the next part of the story goes to show you don't know what's around the corner.  One of the reviewers who'd read an ARC of ELECTED heard about my publisher closing.  She contacted a publisher she worked with, and within 48 hours, Silence in the Library Publishing picked up ELECTED and agreed to keep it on the original release path, dates/launch party/promo and everything!

TS: That's an incredible story! Even though most authors might not have the same crazy experience, every published author I know has hopeless downs and ecstatic ups. It's an unacknowledged part of the publishing process! What’s the best advice you ever got as a writer?

RS:  Keep writing no matter what.  I once spoke to Jodi Piccoult (author of My Sister's Keeper and a TON of other books) about advice for a new author.  She said that if your first manuscript doesn't sell to a publisher, keep writing…in fact write another book.  Her first book never took off, but it was her second that made it.  Many years ago I wrote a checklist novel that didn't go anywhere, but I took Jodi's advice and wrote a second book.  That turned out to be ELECTED.

TS: If it won’t spoil the plot, what’s your favorite scene in Elected?

RS:  I love the first scene the male lead, Griffin, tells the main character, Aloy, that he knows her secret.  When I read that scene and especially the line, "You're a girl", I get chills.  

TS: What’s your favorite line?

RS:  Oh, haha! I should have read this question before answering the last one.  It's that same line from my favorite scene with Aloy and Griffin.

TS: What are some of your favorite books?

RS:  I loved reading Gone with the Wind when I was younger.  And now I've reread Hunger Games so many times I can't count.  I also adore the Harry Potter books.

Thanks, Rori! Congrats on the novel and can't wait to read what happens next!

More later,

Tammar

Get published!

OPEN CALL FOR SUBMISSION FOR ATHENA’S DAUGHTERS II. 
Silence in the Library Publishing is holding an open call for submissions to the all women Speculative Fiction anthology Athena’s Daughters vol. 2 from June 1st to July 1st, 2014. 
  • Athena’s Daughters II is an open-call anthology.
  • Stories must be written by women.
  • Stories must have a woman as the main character
  • Stories must be science fiction, fantasy, or horror genres and their sub-genres.
  • Preferred story length: 3,000 - 6,000 words.
  • Pay is based on the money raised through the Kickstarter, with all authors getting an equal share of the net revenue. Please see the previous kickstarter for Athena’s Daughters vol. 1 here: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/103879051/athenas-daughters-women-in-science-fiction-and-fan
  • Publisher: Silence in the Library Publishing
  • Guidelines: All stories should come in as Word or .rtf attachments and must include the author’s name and contact information on the submission. Use italics instead of underlines, no fancy fonts (palatino is preferred), 12pt, double spaced. Include a one-paragraph author’s bio, listing website and social media, and a headshot.
  • Stories must conform to the “Indiana Jones” rule of thumb regarding, sex, violence, language, drug use, etc. We try to keep things here appropriate for most audiences, so if it’s something you’d conceivably see in an Indiana Jones story, it should be fine (ie, melting faces are okay, F-bombs, in general, are not). 
  • Send submissions to: submissions@silenceinthelibrarypublishing.com and in the subject please state “Athena’s Daughters II.” In the body of the email please include a short summary/pitch of your story. 
  • Stories MUST be complete. Partial or incomplete submissions will not be read.
Submission window is June 1-July 1. Stories received outside the window will not be read.
Stories not conforming with the above guidelines will not be read. 

The Kickstarter for Athena’s Daughters vol. 1  was the most successful prose anthology ever on Kickstarter (https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/103879051/athenas-daughters-women-in-science-fiction-and-fan), with stories by Mary Robinette Kowal, Gail Z. Martin, Sherwood Smith, and Cleolinda Jones among many others, and edited by Jean Rabe.
So start writing and good luck!
More later,
Tammar

Cherry blossoms

People make a big to-do about the cherry blossoms on the Tidal Basin in Washington DC. It's a rite of spring and a tricky one to catch. The "peak" of the blossoms is notoriously difficult to predict and this year, as with last year, many of the cherry blossom festival events took place when the temps outside were ridiculously cold and the cherry trees were barely in bud, let alone full flower.

Last year, I tried about four times to see them at peak and it never worked out. But this year...

So beautiful, right? It looked like pink snow lining the Basin. I wasn't, however, the only one there.

Between the school groups, the senior citizens, and the rest of the hordes (in the middle of week, come on people, doesn't anyone work!?) I'm half amazed no one fell in (notice there's no guardrail by the water.)

And where there are lots of people, there are strange people. I was sitting on a bench, prime real estate, and an older lady asks if she can sit next to me.

"Of course," I tell her.

We chat, nothing serious, and it comes up that she and her husband moved to DC 8 years ago because of her husband's job and she really likes here because they're both really into politics. And this being DC, I ask "Oh, is your husband in politics?"

"I can't tell you what he does," she says in a rush. "I can't tell you."

"Wha-?"

"No. I can't tell you what he does. I mean, I wish I could. I really do. But I can't." Before I can get another word out, she fixes me with a look. "There's a lot of that here." And without waiting for me to respond, she mumbles "it was nice meeting you," and scurries off. 

What. The. Hell? I sat on that bench a while longer, pondering just how weird people are and that nothing I make up in my books is nearly as weird as reality.

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Tammar

Oh so Talented!

I just finished reading Talented, the first book in the ridiculously addictive series by Sophie Davis.

Sometimes I just need a book that will be a fun, quick read. It's got to have great characters with lots of charisma, a hot guy and a tight plot. Talented totally satisfied that need. I read it in a day. It's the story of Talia, who in a post-nuclear world has been born with "Talents" like Jedi-ish mind control over others, reading their thoughts, manipulating their feelings and as well as telekinesis. About twenty percent of the population has Talents, though hers are uniquely powerful. She's about to graduate from a school for Talented kids and afterwards she'll work for the government as an operative, protecting the nation against the Coalition who are trying to eradicated Talented people (finding them an abomination.)

This series opener leaves a lot of questions open, but is a satisfying read. I loved the comradery between Talia and her team, the senior operatives who are training her and the other kids on the campus. Davis has a firm grasp on her world and her writing is fast and smooth. Best of all, Talented is free for a limited time! If you need an escape read, I highly recommend it.

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Tammar

Stress

If you're like me, you hate that feeling when you're nervous and your heart is pounding and your palms are clammy and sweaty. I always wish I could stay cool, calm, and collected. It doesn't help that in the back of my mind I know how unhealthy stress is and that I'm probably hurting myself to boot.

Kelly McGonigal's Ted talk really got me re-thinking this. Could it be that stress is only bad if you think it's bad?

What do you think? Could you grow to be grateful for your pounding heart and jittery breaths?

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Tammar

Endangered by Eliot Schrefer

There are books that gently reach out to you. They take your hand and invite you in, beguiling you, teasing you, luring you in so you find yourself in a different world. These are the kind of books I write. I assumed Eliot Schrefer wrote those kinds of novels as well.

I had the pleasure of meeting Eliot at a book event we both attended a few years ago. We were the only two writers there who were younger than 50 (what can I say, it was in Florida) so we quickly started chatting. From the fifteen minutes we spent together he struck me as friendly and kind, very smart but not in an intimidating way, just a really comfortable person to talk to. I was so happy for him when I heard his novel, Endangered, was a finalist for the National Book Award. It's been in my to-read pile for a year. I finally read it and from the first page that book reached out, snatched my lapels and yanked me in. This was no gentle lure. I was mugged.

Endangered is well-researched, exquisitely written, and so searingly powerful I finished reading it in less than 48 hours. Sophie and Otto will teach you everything you need to know about loyalty, courage, and hope in the face of impossible odds.

Here is the first few lines of the book (and I dare you to tell me you don't want to keep reading.)

Concrete can rot. It turns green and black before crumpling away.

Maybe only people from Congo know that.

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Tammar

Brilliant!

I adore it when people smarter than I post their lessons from life so far.

On investing (by our national treasure Warren Buffet) Check this out.

And this. A concise essay on figuring out the emotional blindsides that only come with expirence. In Paris.

And since you're already here, check out my interview with TATAL (teens at the Arlington public library) and a lovely review.

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Tammar

 

 

Hello dear friends. it's snowing. Again! I've lost count of how many snowfalls we've had this winter, but it's been enough that I've started being a snow connoisseur. There's thin, wispy snow. Dry powdery snow (impossible to make snowballs or snowmen with.) Heavy wet chunky snow (good for building, bad for wet gloves.) There's swirling snow and drifting snow. This had been the first winter where I could clearly see the crystallized fractals that classic snowflakes are supposed to have but which I had never seen (they're just gorgeous!)

The snow falling outside my window right now is the pretty kind, large chunks, softly falling, almost like small downy feathers and it's coating the tress like cotton candy. I could watch it forever.

In the meantime, if you have to go out in this stuff, wear a scarf. I've found that it's the best thing to keep you warm. There's something about a cold breeze on my neck makes me miserable. Which is why I loved this post from Cup of Jo on three ways to tie a scarf, so chic!

(from Cup of Jo)

Stay warm!

More later,
Tammar

 

Art & Fear

Artists don't get down to work until the pain of working is exceeded by the pain of not working.

--Stephen DeStaebler

Writing is easy: all you do is sit starting at a blank sheet of paper until the drops of blood form on your forehead.

--Gene Fowler

I've thinking a lot lately about the process that writers take to produce their work. In retrospect each work seems inevitable, predestined even. But when I'm slogging through mediocre fiction, listless characters, and a lot of frustration, it suddenly feels like I've been playing at writing and that I've been found out.

It was almost a sense of relief when I stumbled on a tiny, illuminating book called Art & Fear: Observations On The Perils (and Rewards) of Artmaking.

I could quote the whole book back to you, but I'll restrain myself and just post a few of the amazingly accurate, wonderfully reassuring observations in this lovely, perfect book.

"The function of the overwhelming majority of your artwork is simply to teach you how to make the small fraction of your artwork that soars. One of the basic and difficult lessons every artist must learn is that even the failed pieces are essential."

"William Kennedy gamely admitted that he re-wrote his own novel Legs eight times, and that 'seven times it came out no good. Six times it was especially no good. The seventh time out it was pretty good, though it was way too long. My son was six years old by then and so was my novel and they were both about the same height.'"

"Ask your work what it needs, not what you need. Then set aside your fears and listen..."

I'm reading this and I feel my stress levels subside. It's ridiculous to seek perfection, most especially as I'm laying down the bones of the story. I need to listen to the story, to the characters, and even if I end up scrapping the whole thing, none of it was wasted.

What are you working on? Is it coming along? Hang in there if it's not. As Annie Dillard once wrote: there is neither a proportional relationship nor an inverse one between a writer's estimation of a work in progress and its actual quality. The feeling that is it magnificent and the feeling that it is abominable are both mosquitoes to be repelled ignored or killed, but not indulged.

Stay warm if you're living in the part of the country blanketed in snow. And when in doubt, just write.

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Tammar

So cool!

I love doing accents. I'm terrible at them. All my different nationalities sound vaguely Russian/French/Indian. In other words, accent gibberish. And switching from one accent to another? Forget it. This woman is amazing!

 

And have you seen this one already? It got a million views on it's first day, so chances are you probably did. Still, it's so inspiring and worth watching again. It got me to return to the piano. I'm determined to unlock Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata in 100 days. Or a year. Or at some point in my life.

What's your secret dream talent? Dancing? Music? Writing a book? Whatever it is, go ahead, just start working on it and see where you stand in a 100 days.

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Tammar

Meet our new Ambassador!

The installment of the National Ambassador for Young People's Literature took place last week and I was there!

There were many fancy speakers including the Librarian of Congress, Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman Shultz, another Congressman who's name I didn't catch, and more interestingly, the exiting Ambassador, Walter Dean Myers.

Then Kate DiCamillo spoke and yes, she's tiny, that's her head barely peaking up over the lecturen. Her speak was so perfect, it reminded everyone in the room why she's awesome. She spoke about how as a child she was terribly shy and scared of everyone and everything. She would never speak to a stranger, never stand up for herself. Yet one of her most vivid childhood memories is about sitting in a glass bottomed boat and seeing a hidden world revealed and being so enchanted that when the stranger next to her grabbed her arm and said "would you look at that!" Kate actually spoke back to her. And the lady said four words that Kate never forgot "Oh my, this world."

Later, in second grade, utterly riveted by the climax of The Island of the Blue Dolphin (I loved that book!) this same feeling of a hidden world within our own world led her to connect for once with the class bully. Oh my, this world.

That's what books do for us. They reveal a hidden world within our own world and they help us see each other as fellow humans instead of six foot tall bogeymen.

I told you. She's awesome, right?

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Tammar

Funny story...

So you know how I wrote that New Year's Eve post about spending time with friends, laughing a lot? Well, I certainly got what I asked for, though not exactly the way I was expecting.

We invited some friends over to celebrate New Year's Eve at our house. They came with their sweet children. It was a clear and frozen night. We drank bubbly, lit sparklers. All was lovely. And then we had a great idea. Let's light a fire in the fireplace! I should mentioned we just moved to our house in November and hadn't lit a fire in the fireplace before. (Cue ominous music.)

The fire was lit, a lovely crackling fire. The living room started filling with smoke. "No worries," we said, "the chimney's just cold and the cold air is pushing down the smoke. In a few moments the air will heat up."

At first, it seemed like all would be well. The smoke stopped coming into the room. And then, it suddenly did. A lot.

"We have to kill the fire!" I yelled, choking on the smoke. We poured a couple of pitchers of water and woosh! Billowing clouds of smoke come pouring into the house. The smoke alarm goes off. The kids are freaking out. The dog poops in the kitchen. It's freezing out and we're opening windows, turning on fans.

And in the chaos, our dear friends looked at us and said, "how about spending the night at our place?"

We welcomed in 2014 in our friends' home, an unexpected extension to our party, laughing our heads off, glad to all be safe, in the company of good friends, in a non-smoked house.

It was easy to count our blessings.

You can't make this stuff up. Well, I could. But I didn't.

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Tammar

Savoring the view

New Year's is the perfect time to look to the future with optimism, to have high hopes for what lies ahead. I love that. Hope it's a great one for all of us.

Here's to great books yet to be read (and maybe yet to be written.)

Here's to great meals with friends and family.

Here's to bursting out laughing.

Here's to lovely dates.

Here's to adventures.

Here's to growing wiser. 

Here's to good health.

Here's to paying off debt (or staying out of it.)

Here's to being a better listener.

Here's to volunteering.

Here's to bright ideas.

Here's to you, my dears.

Have a safe New Year's Eve and the best possible year ahead.

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Tammar

The woods...

When people hear that I've had four novels published they assume that by now I must have the process down pat. I mean, you don't write four novels and not figure out how the writing process works. And that's true. But it doesn't mean it's easy.

The stages of novel writing are fixed, predictable, and equal parts miserable and exhilarating. The fun parts: Those first delicious pages when the world is wide open, the characters are sparkly and new, and no dark clouds of doubt or frustration have formed. Typing up those last five pages, the worst behind me, coming out into the sunny, happy ending (and I don't mean happy ending for my characters, I mean me!) The scenes when the words are flying out, my fingers typing so fast I'm half surprised there isn't smoke rising off the keyboard, except even if there was, I probably wouldn't notice because I'm so deeply into the scene, living it, feeling it unfold and capturing it in words. It's such a lovely, amazing feeling.

Sadly, it doesn't last. Because much more often, there's that simmering frustration. The scene isn't breathing. My characters are dull. My words flat. There's an ugly period usually stretching from page 70-200 when I'm lost in the woods. I have a hundred pages of fiction. Some are quite good. Others are quite not. I know what home looks like, but I'm really not sure how I'm getting everyone there. It's the dark wood and I'm lost. The trees look familiar, I know I've been here before, but it doesn't change the fact that I'm lost. This is when it's sheer grit, stubbornness, and a high tolerance for frustration that carries me through. The scene isn't working? Write it differently. The dialogue is stupid? Delete and re-write it. The plot is stuck? Re-think it. It's not glamorous. It's not fun. But it is necessary. It's the only way to get from here to there. And as I'm writing this, I'm telling it to myself as much as to you, dear friends.

I'm in the woods.

More later,

Tammar